Sunday, 12 October 2014

Giving Thanks for No Longer Feeling Deprived and Delusional

I know that one of the main reasons why I fell off the wagon a few months ago is because I started to see my lifestyle as deprivation. Instead of viewing my efforts in eating well and eating to cure my cancer I started seeing all the things I'm not "allowed" to eat anymore. I went from literally eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted my entire life to only eating organic, vegan, sugar free, alkalizing foods that truly nourish my body. I felt great about it and honestly had never truly felt that healthy before for the first few months but then the dead of winter hit and I couldn't stop thinking about my true love, pizza, cake, ice tea, and fudge. Oh fudge. As soon as you start feeling deprived you're in trouble. Big trouble. Your mind is one of the most important tools in your success to health.

In my mind I knew the food I was eating was the best, most healthy option that was healing me but I was delusional and forgot that it was the right choice and that all those other foods that I was "depriving" myself of was just poison. I have gotten back on track for the most part but it is a struggle some days and I have to remember the ingredients in those delicious chocolate chunk cookies that I can't pronounce and ask myself why I would ever want to voluntarily poison my entire body with that garbage. It's just not worth it. Plus, the guilt and stress I feel after I eat it is awful. After learning all the things I have about our "food" I can't ever look at anything in the grocery store the same. So, if I eat that garbage the brief satisfaction I receive from it doesn't make up for the aftermath which is just plain awful. I instantly feel guilty and stressed about what I just put into my body. Why did you do that? I ask myself. That was dumb. Let's not do that again. There's no going back. I can't not know what I know. I will never be the same person again and I am okay with that now. I'm okay with getting just a salad with no dressing if I ever go out (which is rare) and I'm okay with choosing food that will nourish my body entirely and cure my cancer.

Nobody and I mean nobody can tell you that truly eating healthy won't make you healthy. That would be truly delusional. The only thing I am depriving is my cancer and I'm okay with that.

So why am I writing about this on Thanksgiving? Well, holidays are especially difficult for me because I am surrounded by all the "deliciously" addictive foods that I normally would have devoured and then fell into a coma afterwards. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by my wonderful family and best of friends for this Thanksgiving holiday and we made lots of truly delicious foods that I could also eat. It was such an incredible meal and I felt so wonderful after eating it. I'm so very thankful for the amazing support that I constantly receive. I'm incredibly thankful that I can teach my daughter how to be a truly healthy person so that she can live a life filled with not only love, joy, and laughter but most importantly, health. I'm so grateful for my parents who have been my number one supporters and always will be and I couldn't have made it as far as I have without their support. I honestly don't know how I will ever repay their generosity. I am also so very thankful for my husband. Without his constant support and love I don't know where I would be. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all the things you are perhaps take for granted but never should. Even things as simple as the running water in your kitchen is taken for granted each and every day. Think about all that you truly have and I think you'd find it difficult to not be grateful. Are you able to truly see what you have? Take a quick look around yourself and say a quick thank you and I bet you'll feel great.

Be thankful, be happy, be YOU!!

Sending you all lots and lots of love and light on this beautiful day.

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Cancer is like Dandelions

If you live in a neighborhood where everyone has perfect yards with perfect green grass then you know how difficult it is to keep it looking "perfect". There are all those pesky weeds that just never seem to go away and just keep multiplying like bunnies. You pull one out only to notice that there are literally hundreds more. You try and try and try so hard to get your lawn to look like everyone else's. Now all you see are the weeds and all you see is the problem. So you call the Weed Man and he comes to your home and assures your he will rid your home of these awful invaders. He will spray them with loads of chemicals and poisons that will kill them on the spot. Don't worry about it leaching into your water supply or onto your children's skin when they roll around and play in your yard. You'll do whatever it takes to ease your mind and make sure you have taken care of your weeds like everyone else because you don't want to end up stressed out and upset because now you're going to be THAT house with THAT lawn. Now all you see are the weeds and all you see is the problem.


What if we saw the weeds as they really are? Wish flowers as my three year old calls them. Did you know that dandelions are one of the healthiest and most powerful plants you could consume? Isn't it amazing that even after all that we put the dandelions through they still prevail and take over? For some reason we despise them but they're trying to show you how amazing they can be! They're saying "Look at me! Watch me grow!" I don't care what you do to me I will still be here until you see what I'm really here to teach you. You can use me to your advantage. 

So why am I talking about dandelions? 

Well, Cancer is kind of like your lawn. You hear THAT word and you'll always be THAT person. You can fear it and stress about it and try to rid your body of it with chemicals and poisons but it just keeps coming back. The doctors tell you what comes next, they say all you need to do is chemo and have a few surgeries and you'll be just fine. You can't stop seeing yourself as Cancerous. You feel the Cancer in your body. You sense it taking over. You are afraid. You don't want to die. 


What if we saw Cancer as it really is? Your body telling you to wake up and change something. It's time to get healthy. Truly healthy. Get rid of those toxins. Nourish your body, mind and soul. Cancer cannot survive if you eat the right food. It's been proven time and time again. You just need to really do it. If you're doing chemo would you just skip a treatment because you just don't feel like going that day? Probably not. So, don't allow yourself to do that with the alternative treatment and that's how it works. Let your dandelion grow and when you've finally come to the realization that Cancer isn't scary you can pick that flower and make a wish. Blow those little petals and seeds out and spread the love. My wish is that our world starts to see Cancer as a beautiful thing. A life changing moment for the better. Take it and run with it! 

So the next time you see a dandelion in someones yard, think twice, maybe they love them. Maybe they need those wishes. Maybe, just maybe, they can be beautiful. 

What's your wish?

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Stressed Out? Try to Check Out

There was a time not too long ago that I was so stressed out I couldn't sit down and truly relax. I realized that there was a direct correlation between my stress and the amount of time I spent online. It seemed like every time I went on to Facebook (which was like every five minutes) I wound up upset about someone's post about something or some companies atrocious intentions to cover up the truth about themselves. Facebook was actually a major cause of stress in my life. Sounds so silly doesn't it? But, think about it. 

Do you ever go on there and find yourself constantly comparing your life to others? Do you have people on there that you literally never even chat with let alone see in real life? I know I did and I know it stressed me out. I'd find myself checking my account for absolutely no reason at all but wind up spending twenty minutes scrolling through pointless posts and before I knew it the day was over and I hadn't vacuumed the house or mopped the floors like I had planned to do that day which of course would stress me out more because I felt like I failed the simplest tasks that were truly important. 

Anyways, I made a not so crazy decision and I deleted Facebook off my phone along with Instagram and all other apps that occupied my time throughout the day. The first couple days were strange because I kept picking up my phone to check something, anything, and I'd remember wait - there's nothing on here and then I'd twiddle my thumbs for thirty seconds and say okay well I guess I can mop the floors now. I ended up getting so much done in the day and it was real quality work and real quality time spent with my family. No distractions, no stressed feelings of wasted time or upset feelings towards ignorant comments on posts etc etc. Within a few days I simply stopped picking up my phone unless someone called me or texted. I'd check my messages on Facebook or my email once in the morning and once in the evening and I'd realize that it said it had been anywhere from 8 to 12 hours since I last signed in and it actually felt great! 

My life revolved around, well, my life! Do you remember what your life was like before the internet? Do you remember what friendships were like before Facebook? You may not have had hundreds or even thousands of "friends" but I bet you had a handful of real friends whom you could truly depend on and did everything with. I know plenty of people who don't have Facebook and they seem to get by just fine and are very happy without it bogging down their time and family life. I encourage you to stop the online madness and do what you truly love and enjoy doing. Whether it's reading a good book, going out for a walk, or just sitting in a quiet spot and meditating for ten minutes I guarantee you will feel better for disconnecting. Ask yourself this - what am I truly gaining from constantly checking in and going online? What am I giving up and what could I be doing instead? Even if it's just for a day. It's easy to fall into the online world trap - I know I sure did. You think you have all these friends and you feel this strange connection to them even though all you're doing is sitting in your living room by yourself staring at a computer screen. What ever happened to actual socialization? Nobody hangs out anymore. Even the rare occasion when people do get together most of the time people have their eyes glued to their phones and seem to always have somewhere more important to be than with the real company in front of them. Let's turn off the wifi, put our phones on silent and shut off the TV. Let's look each other in the eyes and have a real conversation, play some "old school" board games and share a good laugh. I bet you, you'll have a memory of a lifetime!  

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Sugar is As Addictive As Heroin

sugar black

Here is an excerpt from an article on the study that has proven that sugar is in fact as addictive as heroin which is known to be the most addictive drug. I have felt it's effects on myself as you all know, I'm a recovering sugar addict.

"On average we are consuming 27 teaspoons of sugar per day, while the recommended daily allowance from the American Heart Association is no more than six teaspoons a day for the average woman and no more than nine for the average male. Why are we consuming so much sugar? And why exactly is sugar added into almost everything we eat?
Paul van der Velpen, head of Amsterdam’s health department warns that sugar is a dangerous, addictive drug and sugary foods and soft drinks should be labeled with warning labels similar to those on cigarette packages, except these would be warnings for obesity, diabetes and other health concerns.[1] If sugar really is an addictive drug, does it come as a surprise that it is added to so many of the foods that we consume on a daily basis?
Is high fructose corn syrup really addictive? Is this why we can’t seem to get enough? Dr. Francesco Leri certainly seems to think so. Dr. Leri is an Associate Professor of Neuroscience and Applied Cognitive Science at the University of Guelph, Ontario, Canada. On May 23 Dr. Leri presented his study that caused behavioural reactions in rats that linked to the same problems produced by addictive drugs. Dr. Leri stated that, “Addiction to unhealthy foods could help explain the global obesity epidemic.” Professor Leri also said “We have evidence in laboratory animals of a shared vulnerability to develop preferences for sweet foods and for cocaine.” David Kessler a former head of the Food and Drug Administration believes that sugar is just as addictive as cigarettes and he says that it is “highly pleasurable, it gives you this momentary bliss. When you’re eating food that is highly hedonic, it sort of takes over your brain.” [2]
Dr. Jennifer Lee said that “Rats addicted to sugar ingest it in a binge-like manner that releases dopamine in the accumbens during and right before consumption, much like heroin use in humans. And also like drug addiction, this sugar bingeing causes changes in the expression and availability of dopamine receptors in the brain: the next “high” will require even more sugar to achieve the same effect.”
Is it possible that sugar and high fructose corn syrup is being used as another means of control to keep us mindlessly consuming and addicted to very unhealthy products? It is doing a great job keeping us sick and distracted, that’s for sure.  There have also been studies that show that HFCS actually contains mercury and is in fact a neuro-toxin. [3]  There is some food for thought…"

Please Click the link below to read the entire article which isn't too much longer than this excerpt and totally worth the read.

Got Lost Along The Way

I got lost. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know who I was and worst of all I didn't know where I was going. I felt overwhelmed and out of control.

On valentines day I had an ultrasound. A week or so later I went to get the results from my local doctor. He told me my tumor had shrunk to 1.7 cm. I was thrilled until he started talking to me about my "real" options. I listened to him and nodded along like some lame bobble head as he riddled off the usual due diligence mumbo-jumbo like "you're in denial about having cancer" "you have to think about your family" "you have a child to take care of" "what about your parents?" "This isn't going to work" "it's not like you had a heart attack where you need to cut things out of your diet to be healthy again" "there's no reason why you have cancer so there's no lifestyle change that can cure it" on and on he kept going. I am not in any way blaming him. He was doing his job. For some reason though him doing his due diligence turned into me tumbling down a dark and winding hole that never seemed to end. It was like I needed some professional to tell me "hey, great job! Tell me what you're doing so I can look into it because it's obviously working!" But instead I got doctors constantly calling me crazy and telling me that I'm wrong and that I'll be back and my cancer will only get worse.

So, I fell off the wagon and it hurt. It broke my heart and soul. I hid it from everyone around me, no one knew, not even my husband. I was a sugar demon. I have a problem with sugar. It's my drug. I'm actually seriously addicted to it. I never truly understood addiction until very recently when I realized that I in fact am an addict. I used to think "what's wrong with you? Just don't drink? Problem solved." Turns out it really is that simple of course to the person who isn't addicted but, to the one on the other end of the bottle it's a totally different story. For me it's not the booze, or the pills, or the drugs that's the issue it's the sweet and succulent temptress Sugar. I would literally hide in the closet and eat my daughters Easter eggs. I'd wait until my husband left the house to steal a cookie from the jar. I'd count the hours until I could get my next sugar fix. I felt pathetic, alone and like a total hypocrite.

I was in a bad place. The guilt was taking over my mind. My skin started breaking out like I was an adolescent once again. I couldn't control my cravings. When I couldn't get my fix I'd have awful head aches and crazy mood swings. It wasn't fun but I felt so powerless. I needed help because not only was I slipping off the sugar wagon  but I was also losing my mind. I felt so down in the dumps. I'm sure that our incredibly long and awful winter that we had had something to do with it but I had gotten to the point where I actually said to myself "wow, you need to go get help" So, I did. I got help. I talked to a counselor about how I felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. How, I felt like I had lost most of my friends because of this disease. I actually never mentioned my sugar addiction because I was so embarrassed to admit it to even someone who is literally sworn to secrecy. She taught me to look at things through a different perspective. If the people who no longer treated me as a friend after my diagnosis were the main cause of my internal distress perhaps I should view it from another point of view. Were they really your friends to begin with? Also, you've taken out all of the toxins in your home, maybe these relationships were toxic and this is just the next stage. Think about meeting new friends, and focusing on the ones who are still around and obviously do care. I saw what she meant. I got it. She was right of course. If you just simply change your perspective even the slightest amount, everything can be better. It made so much sense.

I started focusing not only on  the people who showed me they cared but on my self. I started meditating daily. I started visualizing new friends. I was so shocked to find that within weeks, yes weeks! I had made new friends who lived very similar lifestyles to my own. People who had children my daughter could play with while we chatted about everything. People who asked me how I was doing. People who genuinely cared. I can't even begin to tell you how much happiness it brought to my life. I had been so depressed about my loss, but, all I needed to do was ask for something new and open my heart, arms and doors to great new friends.

I had another ultrasound in August and my tumor had remained the same size. I knew why. I had stopped taking my supplements and all my alternative treatments, I was sneaking sugary treats that just wouldn't stop calling my name. I had the proof right there that it does matter. I was so upset. Technically speaking my tumor not having changed was not a terrible thing. In fact, in the cancer world it's actually really great news. In my world, not so much. That was when I decided to tell my husband and my parents while we were all on vacation at our cottage. I sat them all down around the table and told them everything. I told them I had a problem. I told them I needed them to treat me like a real addict. I couldn't have the stuff around me. It can't be in my house. I can't be trusted. My little angel on my shoulder was cheering me on the whole way and of course the devil was shrinking and screaming in my ear saying "NO! What are you doing?! Now they know, now you can't hide it anymore!!" He slowly disappeared. My mom was of course so super supportive because she's always awesome like that no matter what I do. My dad always the strong silent type listened intently and my husband, well, he I could tell was disappointed that I hadn't told him sooner. He said to me "all that matters is what you do from now on." He's always been there for me through everything and I know he always will be. He's the most amazing person I've ever met and I'm so incredibly lucky to have him in my life.

Anyways, I'm back on track now. I still get random crazy sugar cravings and sometimes I just ride it out, sometimes I eat a handful of pecans, and sometimes I just have to eat a banana to calm my nerves but, so far so good. So, after that great long story why am I back here writing my blog again and telling the world about my ridiculous sugar addiction? Well, I want everyone to know that it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to take a few steps backwards. It is okay to admit that you were wrong. Every single day you wake up is a second chance. Every single minute that passes is a new moment to start over. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Anything, and I mean anything, is possible. Put it out there, let the universe know what you need and want in your life. You will get it. If you put out all that negative energy and vibes in your world all day long what do you think you'll get in return? You need to live your life the way you actually want to live your life! You want to be happy? BE HAPPY! You want to eat right? DO IT! You can't sit around and wait for it to happen or for someone else to make it happen for you - you've got to do it for yourself. You have the power! You are an amazing person who is 100% capable of doing whatever you set your mind to. Trust me, if I can quit sugar, anyone can do anything they want. I see the world through different eyes now. I can honestly say, I'm not the person I used to be. Now I'm the person I always wanted to be. I'm me. I'm free.

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Letting Go

I've always had a hard time letting things and mainly people go. Today I was able to say good bye to some difficult times I've recently had. I learnt a lot in the past year not only about myself but about others as well. I learnt the things that I need to change to not only be a better person but to allow more love into everyone's lives whom I know. Sometimes you need to go through the rough patch to get to the green clearing. I'm finally opening the gate to those lovely pastures I've only ever dreamt of grazing. I've made mistakes and I've learnt from them. I've been hurt and I finally see what my lessons were intended to be from that pain.

Today as I finished my yoga practice I saw it so clearly. Instead of the pain I felt I saw the joy that used to be there. Instead of the tears I wept over the situations I smiled knowing I can only do better now. I can never change the past no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I regret, no matter how much it hurts - it will always stay the same. However, my perception can change. My thoughts can change and my memory does not need to be clouded by the hurt. I choose to remember the good times. I choose to learn from the bad. I'll smile knowing that we used to laugh together. I'll remember how great it felt to be loved. I'll always remember to make it my goal to only make people feel that way. To make the love last. To make it real. I lay in my final resting pose of my practice and envisioned a bubble. A bubble with them in it. A bubble that in my minds eye I waved good bye to. I smiled and thanked them for the good times and for the lessons that I've learnt. I blew that bubble away and I finally let it go. As I breathed in the teacher softly said "Often in our days we become so busy that taking a deep breath is like meeting up with an old friend whom you haven't seen in years. It feels so good to see them smile and hear them laugh. Always remember that this friend is always there when you need them. All you need to do is breath." It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was perfect. I knew that this was the best moment of my day.

Having such a revolutionary day can only lead to one amazing year. I can move on. I can walk away. Only because I now see what I was meant to learn. Everyone deserves to be treated with love. No matter what the situation may be. When you honestly try to see the best in people you will inevitably see the best in the entire situation. Your day will be filled with love. Your world will revolve around truth and light and joy. It doesn't cost you anything to be nice to people to their face or behind their backs. Sometimes if you just try to see it from someone else's perspective, or try to find the love in the situation no matter how difficult it may be you may surprise yourself with the final outcome. It's the classic "treat people the way you would like to be treated" scenario - it's so true though. If you wouldn't want to hear those things then why say them to someone else? Why bother filling our world with more darkness and more clouds. We've got enough of that. Why not try to be the light. Why not try to be the love. Chances are you're a good person. Most people are. But, can you be a better person? There's always room for improvement.

Today I'm taking a stand for myself and saying thank you to those who hurt me and sorry to those whom I have hurt. You have all taught me so much. You have all brought me to where I stand today to make this vow to myself and the world that I am making room for improvement  and I am choosing to see the love. I choose to see the joy. I choose to see the light. I choose to breath.

Breath in joy, breath out sadness. Breath in acceptance, breath out judgement. Breath in peace, breath out impatience. Breath in compassion, breath out opinions. Breath in wisdom, breath out ignorance. BREATH IN LOVE ALL DAY LONG.

May you all be treated the way you wish to be and thus treat all others the same.

Go with love and you'll never have a moment's regret. Think with your heart and your mind will stay calm.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Transition Overload

It's that time of the year again. New Years resolution time. Everyone will be flooding into the gyms and health food stores. A new year and a new me people proclaim. They make a list longer than the Ten Commandments of things they are going to change this year. You start out fresh. A clean slate. You go to the gym. You start eating healthy. You get sidetracked. You get derailed. You totally fall off the wagon.  And now you're disappointed and think there's no point in changing because you are who you are. Right? Wrong!! 

All you've done is burden yourself with TOO MUCH change at once. You've entered the transition overload phase. My sister and I came up with this term one night while we sat and chatted as our kiddies slept. If there is no intense need to change your entire lifestyle within one day like I had to because I have cancer then you really should take it slow. One day at a time. One thing at a time. Your body will go into shock and most people won't have the willpower to stick it through. I had tried changing my life style for years!! Every New Years would be the same damn resolutions. Work out more. Drink more water. Become a vegan. Eat less sugar. Stop using all that perfumey laden crap everywhere. BUT, I'd lose it. The chocolate would stare at me until I had to eat one last piece. The laundry detergent smelt so good. The steak was too delicious to say no to. I would forget about drinking enough water completely and taking vitamins would soon be on the back burner. By a few months into the year I was miserable again because I failed. 

Avoid the misery of failure this year and take it slow. Try one new thing each month. This month try a one month gym membership. Next month cut out sugar. After that try something else. Keep adding on when you are ready. It's not failing if you take it slow. It's smart because you have finally learnt from your past mistakes. You refuse to enter the transition overload saga of 2014. This year can be different. 

I'm still in a transition overload phase. I had no choice but to change everything at once. I couldn't not have the willpower to continue either. I couldn't fail this time. Cancer was a huge slap in my face. Wake up Doris! Smack! You need to change. Don't wait till it's at the utmost importance that you have no choice left. Do it slowly now. By the end of 2014 you will have attained all your goals. 

I have a few goals this year too. 
1. Meditate more
2. Start working out at home so I can save money and not buy a gym membership
3. Juice every single day
4. Be more patient 
5. Read more 
6. Paint more 
7. Do more crafts with my daughter
And last but definitely not least - keep curing cancer. 

Join me this year and succeed with your resolutions. Take it slow and steady. One day at a time. You can do it! 

Good bye 2013 - I faced the worst news I've ever heard. I said good bye to too many people this year from cancer and heart disease. I faced my fears. I fought my fears head on. It took me about two months after being diagnosed with cancer to stand up to the medical world and say no we are not doing it your way. There are OTHER ways. BETTER ways. This year my life literally changed. Everything about it changed. I never looked back. Thinking of my body as an army is what helps me through it. I think about every bite I take. Every choice I make. Your little army spends the entire day fighting off cancer. When you use windex to clean your home the army rushes off to fight those chemicals you just presented into your system that shouldn't be there. Everytime you drink pop or eat shitty food they are there. BUT, if you have cancer they cannot be everywhere. I want all my soldiers combatting the cancer. I can't have them spending time combatting that one peice of sweet delicious chocolate I ate. Or that giant glass of wine. No, they need to be 100% focused one containing and eliminating the cancer inside my body. So every single day I think "is this going to heal me or harm me?" The answer should always be heal. Chemo kills everything in your body good and bad. All your soldiers.  Instead of killing off everything including myself I chose to only kill the cancer. I'm not poisoning myself. I'm poisoning the cancer. Cancer cannot live in a sugar free, alkaline, nutrient soaked body that continuously is filled with nothing but healing foods and exercise. Cancer is curable. 

Don't wait till it's too late - start now with baby steps. It is possible. It's always your choice. 

2014 will be the best year for me because I'm going to make it my goal to kick cancer in the butt. 

Bring it on 2014! I've got you covered.